"A Tale of Two Sisters" - July 21, 2013

Luke 10:38-42             This story about two sisters could easily be taken to talk what happens at the end of Thanksgiving dinner when one person is in the kitchen doing the dishes and another is on the sofa watching a football game.  Martha saw it that way.  She complained to Jesus, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.”  [Luke 10:40] I know a lot of people who feel that way from time to time.  I can see it at church events, when the same group of people set up and clean up.  The exasperation that comes through in Martha’s words is palpable.  It wasn’t, “Mary, could you come here for a second?” or, “Could you give me a hand?” or, “I need you.  Now.”  No, Martha has to go and ask Jesus to tell Mary to get out there – and she adds a barb to it with, “Lord, do you not care?”             Jesus, as a man in that time and place, would not be expected to get out there himself.  Even so, he doesn’t help out the situation very much in the way that he tries to soothe her.  “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.” [Luke 10:41-42] Martha is so busy making preparations for their visitor that she is going to miss the time they have together.  Mary is spending the time with him, and getting something out of it.  I can imagine the aftermath.  Martha is exhausted and still worried whether Jesus had had enough to eat.  Mary closes the door and says what a great time they all had.  That grates on Martha’s last nerve and she gives her “lazy” sister a piece of her mind.             Let me reframe this drama in terms of the two sisters, though, in a way that might be more helpful, because when you look at the whole situation, you can see Martha and Mary as typifying two different ways of relating to Jesus, probably to life in general, that psychologists call “extroverted” or “introverted”.  All too often, they misunderstand one another.  There are lots of tests that you can take that point you toward where you yourself might stand in one of those groupings.  I’m going to throw part of one of those at you in a moment.  First, though, I ask you to remember a couple of important points.  One is that these are descriptive categories.  They simply describe broad categories of human experience.  They do not mean that you have to fit neatly into any box.  Another point is that it isn’t a good idea to characterize anyone else, or decide for them where they fit.  About 75% of people in our culture are considered “extroverts”,[1]  so a lot of people who are more introverted have learned to function in that way as a matter of adapting to the world they live in.  In fact, Martha’s demand that Jesus make her sister behave more like her, and Mary’s resistance to the demand, are classic in that respect.              So, with those comments, let me toss out two groups of generalized statements.  See which sounds more like you. “I am seen as ‘outgoing’ or as a ‘people person.’ I feel comfortable in groups and like working in them. I have a wide range of friends and know lots of people. I sometimes jump too quickly into an activity and don’t allow enough time to think it over. Before I start a project, I sometimes forget to stop and get clear on what I want to do and why.” Ready for the next round?  Here goes. “I am seen as ‘reflective’ or ‘reserved.’ I feel comfortable being alone and like things I can do on my own. I prefer to know just a few people well. I sometimes spend too much time reflecting and don’t move into action quickly enough. I sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if my ideas really fit the experience.”[2] If you lean more toward the first group of statements, you are more likely an extrovert, a “Martha”.  If you lean more toward the second group of statements, you are more likely an introvert, a “Mary”.             The needs and characteristics of both are legitimate, but sometimes they clash.  I see it on Sunday mornings right before church starts.  Some people arrive, take a bulletin, find a seat, and close their eyes or stare at the colors in the windows.  They may read over the prayer for the day or look ahead at the hymns.  Then somebody else arrives, sits down in front of them, and turns around to say hello.  “How did the week go?  That’s a good color you’re wearing.  Your procedure is on Thursday, isn’t it?  Do you need a ride?”  Then comes the start of the service.  Things calm down.  Then we pass the peace, which for some people is the least peaceful part of the morning, and for others is a highlight.             Remember, though, that Jesus was friends with both Mary and Martha.  He was there to see both of them, and both of them were there to be with him.  A Catholic priest named Father Ron Rolheiser has thought about this a bit.  He writes, “An emphasis on silence and solitude alone tends to penalize extroverts, just as an emphasis on community and church alone tends to penalize introverts. Too rarely have we struck a healthy balance on this. Both are necessary and both are necessary within the life of the same person. Simply put, there is a certain inner work that can only be done alone, in silence, just as there is a certain growth and maturity that can be only be reached through long faithful interaction within a family and community.  There is a time to be alone, away from others, and there is a time to be with others, away from the private fantasies within our own minds. Being silent and being social do different things for us. If I am alone and silent too much, I will probably develop a certain depth, but I also stand the chance of living too much inside my own fantasies. Conversely, if I am a social-butterfly who shuns silence and aloneness, the danger is that I will end up rather shallow and superficial, uninterested in anything beyond the gossip of the day, but I may well possess a balance, sanity, and resiliency that is less evident in the person more given to silence and solitude. We need both, silence and socializing, in our lives and pitting one against the other is a false dichotomy. They aren’t in opposition to each other but are both vital components of the same journey towards a community of life with God and each other.”[3]             That’s why I’ve included a sort of statement of understanding between the two groups, and the two sides of ourselves, in the bulletin this morning.  I’m going to ask you to take a look at yourself and choose which part fits you best.  If you are more of a Martha than a Mary, please read the PLAIN PRINT.  If you are more of a Mary than a Martha, please read the ITALICS.  Everyone is asked to read the BOLD PRINT.  (I’ll read both parts, just so that there’s a leading voice.  Yes, that is a very “Martha” thing to do.) We are the doers who think we are fewer. We are the learners who feel like discerners. We need one another.  We need to discover: Our need to be doing,             Our need to keep learning,      Our common Redeemer, who keeps it all turning,                                     Who makes us sit down, Who makes us stand up, We need one another. We need to discover: Who has promised a crown, And who fills up our cup. [1] http://www.in5d.com/introverts-and-spirituality.html [2] http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.asp  The passage quoted is cited as adapted from Charles R. Martin, Looking at Type: The Fundamentals (CAPT 1997). [3] Father Ron Rolheiser, “Introverts, Extroverts, and the Spiritual Journey” in the Catholic Star Herald (November 20, 2008). http://www.catholicstarherald.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2724:introverts-extroverts-and-the-spiritual-journey&catid=92:spiritual-life&Itemid=200196